Dr. Oz says don't use toilet paper

It turned out to be the most unfortunate audience question ever on "Dr. Oz Show" Episode 198, which aired in my market today.  A seemingly thoughtful wife got up and asked a question about hemhorrhoids on behalf of her husband who was in absentia. 

Next thing you know, Dr. Oz has her pursing and puckering her lips in order to demonstrate exactly what an anus looks like.  If her husband is anything like mine, the ass-face jokes shall go on in perpetuity. 

But an important point was made without a whole lot of specifics being offered. After having the woman go to all the trouble of pulling her lower lip down to show the tiny veins inside her mouth that apparently mimic that other sensitive opening, all he said was to keep water and fiber in the diet, and you shouldn't use toilet paper.  Specifically he said, "you should wash your bottom."

What he didn't say was that it's a long-standing custom in so many countries --- outside of the United States --- to use a bidet.  That's the little faucet-type of potty accompanist that does just that; it washes your bottom. 

And if you follow through with Dr. Oz's example, you could also use it to brush your teeth. 

Perhaps since I'm female I was a little more open to trying out these contraptions during my trips abroad.  I've found them extremely pragmatic and effective. In fact, when my husband and I bought our new home, we put in a Bidanit.  This is an adapter that can be installed on any regular toilet. This particular model only cost $29.99 and shipped free from Amazon.

Although I'm not saddled with this man's particular affliction, there's something to be said for the conservation of paper products along with the comfort and cleanliness of plain old-fashioned water.  I'm stunned when I see Americans who move overseas act absolutely offended that there's a bidet in their bathroom.  More often than not, they cover them up. Sometimes they take them out!

I say no matter your gender or country of origin, there's a reason bidets have been a staple appliance in nearly every region of the planet. So let's take this opportunity to listen to Dr. Oz, put our best ass-faces forward and end our abrasive American ways.