Let Bret Michaels be your guide --- even the most modern medicine can be clueless

It's times like these that everyone should take a moment to consider exactly how little we know. 

Since 1996 a very close friend of mine has often confided her intense fear of a brain aneurysm. Still in my mid-20s, I couldn't understand how she could have cultivated such a medically random fear.

But 15 years later I'm shocked at how often I've learned of people with unexpected death or disability due to brain bleed. Sometimes explicable, most times not.

The sheer amount of speculation in Bret's case is key. Surprisingly, the words "Aqua Net" have yet to come up. However, I've read multiple stories questioning whether that curtain falling on his face last year caused his brain hemorrhage. That's not where I'd put my dollar, but at this point even his treating physicians would have a hard time placing any bets.

Read a neurology article intended for general public.

In Ron McLarty's novel "The Memory of Running," the narrating character has an exchange with a physician in intensive care after his father's car accident has caused a head trauma. The father, who was in excellent shape, was severly compromised and quickly succumbed due to the leakage of this life-sustaining substance into his head.

"Blood is one of the most toxic entities known. When it gets out of the old veins, well ..."

"I didn't realize that," responds Smithson Ide.

Did you?

Are physical therapists the hot new characters?

More than one film of the blockbuster summer season are centered a around a physical therapist (PT).  "Mother and Child"  --- set to release May 7 --- features one played by Annette Benning, and packs a powerful cast with a lotta backstory, But the title holds the bigger clue as to what the film is really about.

A week later though, in "Just Wright", Queen Latifah plays a physical therapist who falls for an injured NBA player she's helping rehabilitate. Her story is billed as a "PG-rated romantic sports comedy." In other words, does the vulnerable but swagger-rich basketball star fall for the vapid groupie or the confident caregiver? 

Although PTs are located quite a few pay grades below sports medicine docs and surgeons, they're usually the ones who spend the most time with the patient. And relatively intimate time when you think about it. 

There's lots of talking and touching; it certainly takes a special type of person to encourage someone back from an injury, stroke or accident. Someone who's both physically and emotionally strong but with an extensive knowledge of the human body and all its tiny components.

Guess there's a reason why "therapist" is still part of their job title.

Pathology of 80s headbanging; Slayer frontman Tom Araya gets neck fused, warns fans

After a back surgery forced him to cancel tour dates in 2009, but didn't put an end to his pain, Tom Araya decided to go back under the knife and have a fusion in his cervical (neck) region in 2010.  

Listen to his first post-operative interview.

The interviewers ask silly questions about drugs, metal plates and airport screeners. Too bad they didn't bother to learn about the cadaver bone that's usually part of this excruciatingly painful solution.

But Tom keeps the interview focused as he makes clear that both he and Mike Muir (from the band Suicidal Tendendies) avoid painkillers in order to sidestep the addiction trap --- and also to have clarity regarding their symptoms; hard to know when to slow your roll when you don't feel the reality of your own body.

His understanding of pain is pretty enlightened for a guy in an industry famous for its excesses. As it should be, there have been times when he's utilized medications for pain and muscle spasms for short periods of time. 

Tom shares personal medical details about compressed nerves and other specifics that may surprise the average radio listener, but will likely thrill a dark, gothy one. Many of Tom's fans --- and heavy metal colleagues --- have been around long enough to experience some instance of back injury or pain themselves.

In fact, Tom was surprised to learn just how many of his contemporaries had struggled or undergone some type of procedure to relieve chronic pain. They all came out of the medical closet to show him support.

I will say that much of what Tom decribes from a treatment perspective was fairly "old school" in my own non-professional opinion. I know first-hand exactly what he's talking about (even our cervical numbers match up). The fact is, this brutal fusion process he describes is performed frequently in a number of different medical specialties. Although I cannot boast being the frontman for a heavy metal band all these years, I would place a small wager on the type of doc who performed his based simply on how it was handled.

The pop culture impact of the Slayer frontman's return to (modified) live performance has been widespread. Even "Entertainment Weekly" put it on this week's Hit List. I was, however, pleased to hear one of heavy metal's toughest guys announce that he's now an advocate of moderate headbanging.

As one of the radio interviewers blithely comments: We woke up in a different world today.

Two faces to love on "Sober House with Dr. Drew"

These fine fellas didn't even make the cast bios on "Sober House with Dr. Drew," but be assured that the celebrity shit would really hit the fan without 'em.

Give it up for Bob Forrest (shown top left) and Will Smith.

Bob is a recovering addict who never cracks under pressure, although the deeply ingrained lines in his face belie his long history with heroin. As for Will, he's the muscle. Also in recovery, this gentle giant is often the first one called if there's any hint a detoxing patient may perchance get physical. Or if if anyone has to be forcibly removed from any premises, anywhere.

I hold them up for consideration because I think they represent the unsung heroes who staff rehab centers around the globe. Often hired as non-professionals, these folks work side-by-side with specialists in addiction medicine, clinical psychology and nursing for a fraction of the pay. Those who stay sober are often revered as leaders in their 12-step meetings and they ultimately advance professionally with time. 

In addiction medicine, experience can be one of your greatest resume builders.

Bob started out as a musician and today he holds the position of dependency program director, working closely with Dr. Drew.  You can read more about Bob here.  As for Will, the giant remains a mystery. But I know if I ever hear a deep, sensitive voice asking if anybody wants a peanut, I'll expect it to be coming from a guy like Will.

"Sober House With Dr. Drew," which chronicles the sober living process, began airing on VH1 in January 2009. Watch episodes online here.

Nurse Jackie asks, "Have you tried smoking pot?"

This week, a patient checks into Jackie's emergency department severely malnourished and dehydrated. Given the fictional hospital's Big Apple setting, could it be due to homelessness? Mental illness? Washington Square Park martyrdom?

Nope. Turns out he's an all-American stage three lymphoma patient and he's just completed his third chemotherapy treatment. For lymphoma, that's probably not even the halfway mark.

In other words, his cure is killing him.  Imminently.

While young Dr. Cooper runs through a litany of possible anti-nausea meds, the patient responds in kind with the side-effects that have already rendered each one intolerable to him. Finally, Nurse Jackie Peyton (played to perfection by Edie Falco) asks directly, "Have you tried smoking pot?"

The desperate --- and willing --- patient explains that due to his straight-laced lifestyle he would have no idea where to obtain such a solution.

Of course, the writers couldn't miss the chance to point out that in a different state this guy could get a prescription for the stuff quicker than Dr. Cooper could say "Pass the dutchie." And so, always walking the line between lawless rebellion and exceptional patient care, Jackie takes the apple into her own hands and helps a brotha out. Cue hinty episode title here:  "Apple Bong" Season Two, Ep 4

In other "Nurse Jackie" news, if you want to show your support for the show and spread the notion that "Doctors diagnose, nurses heal," you're welcome to do so with your morning coffee mug (Vicodin optional).  However, this mug comes with a disclaimer you probably didn't see coming (included below).

Huh.  Wonder what Nurse Jackie would say?  

 

                           ***

Available in the Showtime store: "Nurse Jackie is known for her sometimes unusual bedside manner. She may be tough, but her concern for her patients is always genuine. 

CA Proposition 65-California residents please be advised, as per the Prop. 65 Warning: The colored artwork or designs used on this product contains lead and/or cadmium, a chemical known to the State of California to cause birth defects and other reproductive harm."

Julia Sweeney talks cancer, and god

Can you think of two more personal issues to share with the public? Long thought of as a fantastic improv actor and comedian, Julia Sweeney's persona took a quixotic turn when early in 1995 she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. 

"It was a fine cancer experience, as cancer experiences go," said Sweeney to USA Today in 2002. When she received the results as part of the annual set of gynecological tests women get, she was already acting as caretaker and witness to her brother's own extreme suffering, a battle that led to his succumbing to a long-undiagnosed, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Raised a devout Catholic, Julia's "Letting Go of God" monologue  lasts more than two hours and chronicles her journey from deep belief to skepticism.  It's more a spritual and intellectual memoir than a medical narrative.  But clearly her medical experiences as caretaker and patient had great influence. And yet hers is such a different response than most patients with a life-threatening illness.

"I was starting to get nervous about my relationship with god," confesses Sweeney during her one-woman-show-turned-movie in 2008. "I felt like we were this married couple in trouble just trying to find some common ground." 

As always, my purpose in this blog is not to judge; it's simply to muse. Julia has since turned her attention toward educating women about cervical cancer, and adopting a child. She also still acts, speaks and even blogs. While her persona today evokes a person far removed from her crazy Saturday Night Live characters, the important thing is, she lives. And she's still funny as all get-out.

On March 9, 2010 Julia blogged that she planned to "hang up her mouth." I expect it's both brave and exhausting to share this much of your mind and body with so many people, and for so long. Personally, I admire her courage to make her internal life known for the benefit of others (whether for purposes of education or laughter). And I also respect her choice to reinstate her personal privacy. Read her post.

"The Pacific" peeks into wartime mental wards

Private Leckie is a reliable U.S. soldier (and man) who finds himself in a shittstorm of bullets, rain and deadly critters on the opposite side of the globe during World War II.  In Part Four of HBO's series "The Pacific," Leckie (played by James Badge Dale) has a slight pee-pee problem that first renders him incontinent, then lands him comfortably (?) in the psych ward.

"Main ward is full, they put overflow with me," says the good doctor in charge (pun probably not intended) played by Matt Craven. And so Leckie is sentenced to heal among his fellow soldiers who aren't even allowed to wear shoelaces.

Amongst the incoherent, Leckie finds a caged former comrade named Gibson, whom he stumbled upon in the act of strangling a Japanese soldier. By most forensic accounts, that's the most personal type of murder there is, and it's exceedingly indicative of pathology.  But that's not what got Gibson committed to the ward. About Part Four of "The Pacific."

The medical opinion offered by Dr. Grant is that most of the men who arrived at the ward legimitately, are there due to exhaustion. I'm sure you've heard the term "battle fatigue." And the only goal of this mental health facility erected from tents and temporary buildings is simply this: to determine who can return to his unit, and who can't.

So how does this makeshift battlefield facility compare with our modern mental health system?  Put simply, it's probably not all that different. You merely have to replace the word "unit" with "life." 

Certainly today's docs try to channel more of their energies toward treatment, and sincere effort is put into resolving core issues by delving into a patient's life experience. I would wager this gives them a better shot than Dr. Grant, who doesn't dare explore the actions of men like Leckie and Gibson; actions that have led them in human shambles directly to his doorstep. But the decision to release a human back into their environment still remains. Leckie made it easy on Grant, he checked himself out and headed back to battle.

That's what they used to call gumption. The doctor shows slight concern for Leckie's decision --- it calls to mind a few Alan Arkin scenes from "Catch 22" --- but he accomodates the soldier's request. After all, he's required to let the man out while he's still a danger to others, right?

During their final exchange, Dr. Grant equivocates about his relatively ignorant vantage point by admitting, "I don't know what the war is like."

"Sure you do," assures Leckie, "you see it in every guy who comes through here."

Dr. Oz says don't use toilet paper

It turned out to be the most unfortunate audience question ever on "Dr. Oz Show" Episode 198, which aired in my market today.  A seemingly thoughtful wife got up and asked a question about hemhorrhoids on behalf of her husband who was in absentia. 

Next thing you know, Dr. Oz has her pursing and puckering her lips in order to demonstrate exactly what an anus looks like.  If her husband is anything like mine, the ass-face jokes shall go on in perpetuity. 

But an important point was made without a whole lot of specifics being offered. After having the woman go to all the trouble of pulling her lower lip down to show the tiny veins inside her mouth that apparently mimic that other sensitive opening, all he said was to keep water and fiber in the diet, and you shouldn't use toilet paper.  Specifically he said, "you should wash your bottom."

What he didn't say was that it's a long-standing custom in so many countries --- outside of the United States --- to use a bidet.  That's the little faucet-type of potty accompanist that does just that; it washes your bottom. 

And if you follow through with Dr. Oz's example, you could also use it to brush your teeth. 

Perhaps since I'm female I was a little more open to trying out these contraptions during my trips abroad.  I've found them extremely pragmatic and effective. In fact, when my husband and I bought our new home, we put in a Bidanit.  This is an adapter that can be installed on any regular toilet. This particular model only cost $29.99 and shipped free from Amazon.

Although I'm not saddled with this man's particular affliction, there's something to be said for the conservation of paper products along with the comfort and cleanliness of plain old-fashioned water.  I'm stunned when I see Americans who move overseas act absolutely offended that there's a bidet in their bathroom.  More often than not, they cover them up. Sometimes they take them out!

I say no matter your gender or country of origin, there's a reason bidets have been a staple appliance in nearly every region of the planet. So let's take this opportunity to listen to Dr. Oz, put our best ass-faces forward and end our abrasive American ways.